The 16th of August has just passed meaning we just had our first wedding anniversary. I surprised my wife by booking a deluxe room, a “flower turnover service” (I had no idea what that was before I booked it!), and a table in their restaurant.
We’ve been told countless times how the first year of marriage is the most difficult, especially in a Christian marriage as the likelihood is that the couple never cohabited before, which was true in our case. My naivety definitely outmatched my humble ear, I must say that the majority of the advice, and general observations of marriage were true. Here’s a few of the ones we’ve experienced from the first year:
- Personal space: it’s gone! Once you get married you’re inviting someone to invade your personal space. It’s rare that you get any once you’re married. Amanda sometimes just appreciates sitting in the bedroom by herself for a couple of hours sometimes, in the same respect sometime I just enjoy the silence of a good book every now and then. It doesn’t mean you’re sick of your spouse, it means you’re a human being and need your own space just as much as you need each others space.
- Personal time. Time is precious, and we like to use it in our own way. Priorities change when you’re married, and you’ll find that time you wanted to use for reading a book, or playing on your guitar are instead precious moments you should be sparing for your significant other. It’s a good idea if you share interests. Me and Amanda particularly love playing a game of squash together, it’s fun, we learn from each other, and we have to communicate with one another. It’s also good dedicated one-to-one time. Find a shared interest to help give your time.
- Responsibility. I’ve met many-a-person who can be completely irresponsible in the household. Being a man isn’t about showing off your rock hard abs and protecting your wife from the evils of the universe, it’s also from taking responsibility in simple day-to-day things. Taking out the rubbish, doing the dishes, paying the bills, managing your time well. I’ve found I’m now not only responsible for myself, but I’m responsible for Amanda also, not in a parent-child kind of way, but in the kind of way where we’re totally reliant on each other and therefore need to share responsibility.
- Read. Marriage doesn’t come naturally. I’ve come across countless people who think because their relationship isn’t “working”, or they can’t stand something about one another, then it can’t be “right”. This is far from the truth, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, because we’re imperfect beings. There’s some great books on marriage, particularly “The Five Love Languages” just to whet your appetite.
Another great thing to do is ask someone who has a great marriage a few tips here and there, get advice, or just a general perspective on things. I ask couples constantly on how they deal with big decisions, how they manage their finances, how they share roles and responsibilities in the home. 99% of our problems come from a lack of communication, so the prime thing I’ve admired Amanda for is her enthusiasm to sit down and talk about things with me.
I’m sure I could go on for much longer on this subject, but I’ll leave it to everyone else to find out. All in all though, it’s been a good year.